Extranjero

Today, I read the first part of this story and was reflecting on it. After sharing the story with some people I have wondered, do I come across as arrogant or pretentious or does it sound like a made-up story? Specifically I was wondering about the last paragraph where I stated my current situation.

The point I was trying to make is that when you are not happy with your situation in life there is always a way to turn it around. I was trying to make a point that I have accomplished something that, if you would have asked me in 2004, I wouldn’t have ever imagined. It wasn't really a goal of mine to live in Helsinki, less in Eira, but here I am.

I was simply following my gut and pursuing a dream and took the more feasible opportunity presented to me at that point in my life. It hasn’t been easy and at times I have been wondering if it is all worth it, why am I still in Finland. One thing I know for sure is that I am still on my path to follow my dreams and ambitions and give it the best I can. I am still following my gut and I feel like I owe Finland because it has given me so much… my time here is not over yet.

When we were leaving Guatemala and saying goodbye to our loved ones at the Airport I was so excited and could only focus on the journey I was about to start, I was young and really just a naive kid. I didn’t ponder on what I was leaving behind and how much it meant to me.

The previous night I was so excited and anxious that I could not get to sleep. After we said goodbye and started to advance into the departures area I remember being the last one of the four. As I was walking in, one of the security officers stopped me and grabbed me by the arm.

Passport and boarding ticket. Where are you travelling? - he asked.
To Finland - I replied.
He looked at me with a confused face and said - What is the purpose of your trip?

At the same time I noticed that the vocalist of the band (fictional name Otto) was also being pulled away by another officer. The other two members of the band, Gee and JM, were moving forward normally.

They took us both to the side and checked our documents, flight numbers and asked some routine questions. In short they were trying to find out what was the real purpose of our trip. I said I was going there for holiday and to visit a friend. I guess it was suspicious that young guy like me was able to afford travelling to Europe.

JM turned back and saw us. Him and Gee came back to see what was going on and then they were also taken into custody. They moved us over to some kind of police station and put us all in separate rooms, not really rooms but cubicles.

I was sitting there when a police officer approached me. I was really nervous because I was not sure what was going on and I was not sure if these guys were corrupt and trying to get money or really just doing their job. I was afraid he will ask for money and I would have got to give him the little money I had with me - or at least part of it.

Why are your eyes red? - he asked.
I am a little tired... haven’t been sleeping well. - I replied.
Are you sure you are not high? - he asked.
Yes. I am pretty sure I am not high. - I replied.
Are you carrying drugs in your stomach? - he asked more aggressively.
I am not carrying drugs. - I replied.
Tell me the real purpose of your trip - he demanded.
I am going there for holiday, check my ticket is a return ticket - I pointed out.

He walked away and took my papers with him. He discussed something with his peers and gave the order to take our bags out of the plane. While we were waiting for the luggage to be unloaded he came back to ask to talk to me again.

Look, just be honest. Tell me the truth now, are you carrying drugs in your stomach? - he asked again.
No - I replied.

After some more interrogation and questioning. He asked me when is the last time I ate and if I had the receipt of the last meal. I said I had breakfast a few hours before and did not payed for it myself so I had no receipt.

Come with me - he said. We were heading toward the bathroom and then he opened the door and asked me to drop my pants and sit on the toilet. You are not getting up until you defecate - he order.

I was pretty stressed at that point and also very nervous because I didn’t know what the other guys were doing and why they didn’t believe me. I remember sitting in the toilet trying to relax and let my body do it’s thing. It was probably 10-20 minutes that I was there but it definitely felt like hours. All the time one officer watching me. I managed to force it out after a while and then they finally believed me. They didn’t have any kind of modern machines to scan my stomach so I guess it was the only way.

As I went out the other guys were there and all our luggage was also there, they proceed to unpack all our stuff and put it on the floor until they found our instruments. I had disassembled my electric guitar and carefully packed it with my clothes. We also had a lot of stickers, the EP we had recently recorded and some guatemalan handicrafts such as bracelets, necklaces and others that we planned to sell on the streets.

Tell us the truth, why are you going to Finland - one of them asked.
After a moment of silence we kinda looked at each other.
We are going there to make music and, looking for other opportunities. We want to represent Guatemala through music - I replied

They immediately relaxed and since we had a return ticket they let us continue. At that point the plane had been delayed because of us so we proceeded to quickly re-pack. They quickly loaded the luggage again and we ran to board the plane….

Once I was in the plane I was relieved, excited and curious because I had never been inside a plane before, never left my country and only heard stories about flying and travelling. I wonder how it feels to take off - I thought.

We took off and landed on Mexico city a few hours later where we were put into an isolation room with guards all around because we did not have Mexican visa in our passports. We had to ask permission and be escorted to the bathroom or to walk around. We waited there for some hours until we boarded the next plane headed to London.

Once in London there were no outstanding check-ups. It is kinda funny how complicated it was in Guatemala and Mexico and how simple it was in Europe.

To be continued…

I was born in Guatemala in the late 80's, around ten years before the civil war ended. Guatemala is my motherland, it is where I lived most of my childhood and adolescence years. Where my consciousness started developing. My family formed my mind and my way of living. My family took care of me, supported me and encouraged me to think for myself. They taught me to work hard and be ambitious.

When I was around sixteen years old I was frustrated and unsatisfied with my life for various reasons. I grew up in a traditional conservative-catholic household, my mother, a single mom, always encouraged me to follow my gut and do what feels right regardless of what it is.

What I wanted to do was to play music and being able to pay for my education. I wanted to study music and sound waves and be a professional musician and producer for metal music bands at the global scale. I felt I was born in the wrong country for it.

I was angry and constantly depressed about the social, economical and cultural limitations of my country and my social status. I constantly said to myself - “Why I cannot do what I want to do? There has to be a way! life cannot be this way”. I became very quiet, introverted and barely had any friends (much less a girlfriend) which made me frustrated and angry. I found shelter in music as a form of art. It was the most enjoyable and beautiful way for me to express those feelings.

The fact was that, in 2004 and with my social status and economical situation, I saw no way for me to achieve that in Guatemala. Back then I had a metal band as a hobby with a few of my friends from the neighbourhood, I was studying engineering at the national university and music at the national conservatory. I was working part time as a mechanic, with a salary of EUR110 a month enough to pay for school expenses and tuition fees. My mom supported me along the way.

At that point, I felt it was a crucial time for me to choose. On one side there was what I really wanted to do and on the other side there was the stuff that people told me to do, what was “normal”, what everyone else was going to do. I was so frustrated when I realized that there was no choice really. If I stayed in Guatemala, I had to finish school and get a job... live a "normal life". Make enough money so I can provide a better quality of life for myself and my kids in the future. Give my kids a choice, the choice I didn’t have. That is all I knew.

Skunk was the name of the band. We had decent quality music and a unique sound for what was available in Guatemala at the time. “We just need the right people to listen to us and we could get a deal with a label for a real studio album” - I dreamed.

I gathered the band one day after practice and told them that I wanted to leave Guatemala and try to make a start in another country with music as my main focus. "Maybe in another country there is more support and less judgement for our style of music and we can be musicians and pay our bills" - I told them. We were so naive.

The vocalist of the band had a contact in Finland so he got in touch and told him about our idea. He was kind enough to offer us a couch for a couple of weeks... he said: “in Finland there are equal opportunities for everyone, there are no poor people and everyone is equal here, there are no tuition fees and metal music is very popular". I knew Nightwish and Children of Bodom were Finnish metal bands I liked, I knew Linux and Nokia were Finnish brands. “The music industry in Finland should be large enough so people can actually make a living off it” - I thought. Knowing nothing about Finland or Finnish culture and lifestyle, my initial thought was that I wouldn’t go to Finland. “If the whole band would make the choice of going there, I will have to leave the band and go to USA or Canada” I thought.

Our contact in Finland kept saying good things about the country, “everyone knows english here” - he said. I imagined Finland was like the USA but better, I thought I could play music on the streets and make money that way or get a job doing anything to pay for my food and shelter. “If so many latinos make it in the states, I can make it in Finland, I’ll struggle but it is not impossible!” - I thought. I was naive.

I didn't have access to information about life in Finland. There were no Finnish language lessons available in Guatemala, I didn't have a computer with access to internet. I knew how to write and read in English, which I learned on my own from grammar books, movies and metal songs. I was sure that I wanted to leave and follow my dream. I was 18...

After thinking about Finland as an option I thought what that choice meant. I understood it meant living my life in Guatemala behind and go to an unknown environment. I said to myself - “You don’t have anything to lose. If your life doesn't turn out exactly how you imagined it, at least you will be satisfied you have tried”.

I figured it is worth the risk if I could have a chance to a better quality of life than living frustrated, working in a job i didn’t like, studying to then get another job in a multinational company that doesn’t pay you what you deserve and does not even take care of you health insurance. I thought about my family and what I was giving up. “I better do it now that I am young” - was constantly in my mind.

In late 2006 I was driving back home from the university. My mother’s car, a 1989, white Subaru, automatic transmission, efficiency of 25 miles per gallon of fuel. Each gallon was less money I could save for my trip to Finland… I was listening to the only radio in Guatemala that would play our music. Radio was the more popular medium for putting our music out to the public. They announced that the radio was going to be closed and turned into a reggaeton and pop music radio… that was it! I was then determined to leave no matter what!

On February 2007, me and the band gathered in the airport. Each of us had a ticket to Finland. I was happy, nervous, excited! None of us had left the country before, and we had no idea what to expect. Only two of us spoke decent english and none of us spoke a word of finnish. As we boarded the plane, I had a very weird feeling of calmness and excitement at the same time, I was sure what I was doing was right, I knew I was going to make it... I was sure I wouldn’t return empty handed.

All I had with me was a credit card with a limit of USD400 that I managed to hustle because a friend of the family worked at the credit card company, EUR500 in cash that friends and family put together as a gift, some “winter” clothes, my electric guitar, my music gear, an open mind and a really positive attitude.

We arrived at Helsinki/Vantaa International Airport in Finland on February 13th 2007, I was 20. Today is February 5th 2015. I am still in Helsinki. I am 28. I am working legally and have never really got any support from Kela nor opintotukki. I find satisfaction in working hard and achieving goals no matter how silly they may sound. I recently moved to a new apartment and live alone for the first time. I am living a “normal” life.