Nolife. Age: indefinite. Sex: none.

Liskoilua. Pienimuotoinen parodia eräästä trollista, joka esittä ulkomaalaista kirjoittamalla vittuilua esittävää ja todellisuudessa lähinnä kielioppivirheitä(kin) vilisevää haukkumablogiaan englanniksi.

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Work sucked today. My boss sucks and I suck too. Having no life at all has had a serious impact on me during the last 12 years: I have started looking like my mother which scares me because she looks like her grandfather, with moustache and moles and everything. It's like a curse, I guess, because I'm no longer sure which gender I actually am.

Let's see what's on tv. Nothing interesting except-- crap, I missed my favourite show! Not again! Well, maybe Captain Kirk will come to me in my dreams and tell me about this day's episode in person... Oh yes.

What to do now? Let's see. Internet! Gotta love it. Let's see what's going on in there today. Oh, there's this girl blogging about her life. Lying bitch. No one can have so much sex and even sex outdoors, except porn stars and whores. Maybe she's a whore. She has to be. I know she is. Whore! She should be punished!

Phone? MY phone? Who the hell can be calling me outside work? Oh, it's just my grandfather-look-alike mother. Won't talk to her, she'll just make me meaow to her fucking stupid cat again. And I refuse because last time that sucker meoawed something rather disgusting in my ear while I was nicely purring to him. I just know he hates me and whispers sick stuff to me when my mother isn't listening. Someday I will kill him but not today because I have some fantasies to write down.

How about a black guy with a whore? No, a Turkish guy with a whore, oh yes it sound good! I should write about all the other things I never had like a car and some jewelry and having sex and -- ooh, maybe I'll go crazy and wild and even mention my favourite thing as well, kebab! Oh yes, I'm getting all worked up -- no wait, maybe I should order kebab _first_ and rub it on me like the last time I did. It's even better than apple pie...

That was a nice 48 seconds! My life is great after all. Here I sit in my great 12m2 studio (with shower/toilet/kitchen booth included), enjoying my delicious dinner and getting all excited about my next story. I feel great, man I feel great! I am the king of the world! Oh yes I am, oh yes I am, no matter what policemen, my neighbour and my psychiatrists say!!!

...sssshhhit. I think I just ate some of my cum instead of dressing. Note to self: must use different napkins for eating and wanking next time. Well, it did tasted pretty good.

Oh look, it's almost 8 p.m. I should be in bed by now, otherwise I won't meet Captain Kirk and I just have to meet him in my dreams. I have to.

Kirjoitettaessa soi J. Karjalainen: Mies, jolle ei tapahdu mitään